Wednesday, May 15, 2013

To My Son's Birthmother

Today is your son's ninth birthday.  Did you remember?  Did you think about him?  Did you wonder for one moment wether or not he is safe?  Do you even know where he is?

Today is my son's ninth birthday.  He came bounding into my bedroom at 7:00 this morning exclaiming, "Happy Birthday Dima!".  I looked into those bright blue eyes and wished him a happy birthday.  He has been waiting for this day for months and loves to celebrate birthdays with friends and family.

Like all mothers I thought about the day my son was born.  Only I could not recall any details of my son's birth.  You were there.  You gave birth to my son.  I often wonder what my son was like as a baby.  No doubt he was an adorable little fellow, probably lots of smiles and giggles.  Did you ever love him?  Did you ever sit up with him at night and rock him?  I would have given anything to have had that privilege.

The only connection I have to this day nine years ago was driving through a small, rural, Ukrainian village.  Lozova.  The place of my son's birth.  All I have are two videos to share with you.

Since August of 2011 you have never been far from my mind, especially when Dima would talk about you in his Russian/broken English.  When he was first home with us he had many memories and they were mostly unpleasant.  Over time, however, I've encouraged him to pray for you and remember the good.  His prayers for you are sweet and heartfelt and now in English.

I could be angry at you for all that you did.  But I am not.  I pity you.  I feel sorry for you.  My heart hurts for you.  You did, after all, give life to my son and for that I am eternally grateful.  From one mother to another I must believe that somewhere deep down in your heart you loved your son, that you still wonder about him.  I will never have the answer to that nor will your son.

So today, as my son and your son celebrates his ninth birthday, more prayers on your behalf will be sent to our Father above and we can only hope that someday we will all be together in heaven.  I will continue to cherish my son and raise him with all of the love he deserves.  It is well.

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