Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Two Weeks From Today

Two weeks from today Elijah and I will board a plane to a country vastly different than our own.  Two weeks from today I leave my home here in Florida as the mother of four boys and will return home as the mother of four boys and one girl.  It almost seems like a distant dream or something that might happen in the future.  No.  No, this is really happening and I am beyond over the moon excited!

There is so much to do, of course, and the next two weeks will be spent making lists, running errands, cleaning, make more lists, and packing.  I wonder how Grace will pass the time.  Draw more pictures of us?  Draw more pictures of clocks?  Daydream about what life will be like?  The time will seem to so long to that dear girl as all she can do is wait.  And wait some more.  That is how her past eleven years have been spent - waiting.

You know, throughout this process I have mumbled, grumbled, and groaned about the waiting.  For our family it has only been one year.  When we receive Grace on July 7th, it will have been exactly one year since our first home study visit.  On July 7th of last year we were meeting with our social worker preparing to have our home study updated.  To me it seems like an eternity but for Grace the waiting has been much more difficult.  Longer.  Eleven years longer.  Week after week children have come and gone from her world and families have come through to take a peek into their new child's past.  Long hallways, odd sights and smells, crying, and lots of faces that will haunt hearts and minds for years to come.  Time after time Grace has wondered, "Why not me?  Why don't I have a family?"  I cannot even fathom the feelings she must have felt.  Hopeful?  Desperate?  Unloved?  Determined?  As I write this I shake my head...oh that precious, precious girl.

Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.  James 5:11

With having a new family, however, comes about so many changes.  New language, new culture, new rules, new freedoms, new routine, new climate, new everything.  Sometimes I find myself holding my breath when I think back to when we first brought Dima home.  Adoption is wonderful and exciting but it is also difficult.  When Dima first came home I don't think I slept much for the first six months.  Boundaries were tested (literally!), words were spoken out of hurt and anger (by a very hurt and scared little boy), and horns locked.  Dima was and is so strong-willed!  He was determined to be the boss.  In fact, Dima will still declare, "Dima boss!" at least once a day.  What will Grace's transition look like?  Not only are we adopting an older child, but a girl.  And not just a girl, a girl with Cerebral Palsy.  New gender, new special need.  Will she be timid?  Will she be spunky?  Will she be happy?  Will she like us?  While Eric and I are confident that we can do this, we know that we will have a bit of work cut out for us:  doctors, therapies, school, changes in routine, etc...  But I know we can do this.  With God, we can do this.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

Over the next week and a half, however, we must complete our fundraising efforts.  It has been amazing to see how God is providing and we are so very grateful for the pie orders, jewelry orders, and donations.  As of today, July 18th, we are only $5,585 away from our goal!  It may seem like a large amount of money but I know that somehow it will all work out.  In the meantime I am going to fix my eyes on Jesus and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.  1 Chronicles 16:11

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